and I thought the delivery was hard

Sorry, no pictures for this post. I am live blogging from the hospital. We have had a bit of drama starting early Wednesday morning. . .



4:30 AM I got up with Abram to feed him then put him in his swing. I staggered back to the couch to close my eyes as Abram was swinging. All the sudden I had this unbearable pain in my butt cheek that continued down the back of my leg. I hit the floor in pain yelling for my Mom and Brian as I couldn't move. They helped me on to couch and put a heating pad on it as I winced in pain. Five minutes later it felt as though I was peeing on myself so my Mom helped me to the bathroom as Brian rocked the baby. As I turned the corner to the bathroom I heard a "pop" and then a huge gush of blood hit the floor and splattered all over the walls and into the hallway. I was covered in blood and more was gushing out as my Mom yells to Brian to get me to the hospital. In total shock I made my way to the van, trying to take in what is happening. Brian made it to the hospital in under 10 minutes showing that a minivan can do at least a hundred and twenty. On the way I was telling my terrified husband my blood type, what medicines I was on, how much I loved him, he would be okay if I was to die. I seriously thought I was having my last moments right then. Very surreal.



At the ER all my vitals were checked and they were trying to find out where the bleeding was coming from, to no avail. My mom was back at home trying to clean up all the blood before the boys woke up and taking care of little Abram. An hour after arriving Mitzi came to check and was able to stay with me so Brian could go home to get his wallet, cell phone and clothes. My bleeding was slowed down but they still couldn't find the source. I was 'hyped' on morphine so Mitzi had the pleasure of hearing my crazy stories. They tried to catherize me(twice) as I was screaming out in pain, they decided maybe they would stop. Thank goodness.

Shortly after they had a room ready for me and I was on the move. I had a wonderful nurse who was very patient with my crazy self. Again they started to try to find the source of the bleeding. Brian was back by this point and decided to wait outside while they were checking. They finally cleaned up all the blood on my legs and girly parts for the first time. I then had the pleasure of having my VJ packed with dry gauze. The point being to see if the bleeding was from the stitches or from my uterus. The dry packing was very traumatic and I was again screaming in pain, yelling at them to just stop as Brian helplessly waited outside. One of our elders arrived just at this time to be with Brian and he had the pleasure of hearing my screams. I was apologizing to my nurses and I was so embarrassed of being "one of those women."

A couple of hours went by and not only was the gauze saturated but I was still bleeding elsewhere, which was stumping the nurses. Not an encouraging thing to hear. An hour afterwards the pain in my butt cheek was back with a vengeance. I freaked out because I knew what happened the last time. Finally this was enough to get the doctor to me to check me out. He determined it was my sciatic nerve causing the pain down my leg and after checking my VJ he felt a "huge hemotoma" A second check by the nurse confirmed and also said it wasn't there when I had arrived. He booked an OR and I began getting prepped for surgery.

Off I went for another epidural and looking like a ghost from all the loss of blood. I remember getting the epidural, but with the relaxing medicine he also gave I fell asleep and didn't wake until it was over and was being covered in warm blankets. My mom stayed at home with the boys and my Dad came up along with my grandparents and brother/SIL and their kids. My boys were in heaven. Brian had a great support group with him during the surgery, which I was very grateful for.

Back in my room the doctor said they drained about 600 mL of blood(this is more than a women who has a C section loses) from the hemotoma and also found a tear behind it that I had gotten during delivery. My doctor didn't see it because of all the swelling I had at the time. This is what had caused the hematoma since the tear couldn't repair itself with all the blood coming from my uterus. I had my epidural the rest of the night and also had to receive four units of blood. I was a scary pale person. It was a long night with alot of tubes and beeps and not alot of sleep.

I was hoping to go home today and it isn't happening. I know it is good for me to stay to check it all out because I do not want to come back. Yet it is very emotional to be away from my baby and scared for my health. I will not complain about being up all night with a crying baby again!

They are pumping me with alot of fluids and antibiotics to fight off any infections and my bladder isn't working correctly, which looks to be my next battle. As soon as I have complete sensation in my bladder and can completely empty it I can be released. I am praying for tomorrow, but I have to be realistic. Thankfully I have my parents here this weekend and Brian is able to stay with me at the hospital.

This experience is still so shocking for me. This was my third baby, he was just suppose to 'fall out!' I am fighting my need for control as everything has been out of my control since his birth and it has been a huge battle for me. I am very grateful for my family and church family. They have lifted my spirits and prayed with me during these stressful, crazy days. God has blessed us with wonderful people to help us in this life.

So that is where we are. I have millions of cute pictures of my boys to share and can't wait to give them great big hugs soon.