My phone started to ring and I had that sinking feeling that something wasn't right. I didn't want to answer, to put the reality off just a little longer. I called my friend back and the sound of her voice make it all become real. Melinda had not made it.
How? When? WHY? She was in remission. She has three young kids at home. She doesn't get to see two of them start school. One of them is just learning to talk. They need her. We need her. Her husband needs her.
Life is so unfair. Until yesterday I hadn't realized the seriousness of her being admitted to the hospital. It was just another battle Melinda had to face, but she would be back with her bright smile soon. I made my personal prayers to God and with my church family. I did what I could to make the weeks bearable to the family and never seeing that she might not come home. It was Melinda. She was strong. She battled cancer. She still had a smile on her face. Now she is gone.
God has a plan. God needs her in heaven. God knows what is best. Yes, I believe these are true. I still don't want to hear it. Life sucks. It's unfair. And it makes me cry hard and feel depressed. Stupid sickness.
I went into my boy's room and laid beside them as they slept. I felt selfish. Dear God, please let me see my boys grow up.
In Melinda's death I have hope. In my church. In my God. And in my family and friends. She let me see(again) that life is not guaranteed. I will hug my kids more, be patient, pray and read my Bible daily, actively love my husband, forgive, look for joy in small daily tasks, not worry so much about my outward appearance, and smile more.
I hate she had to die for me to get my priorities straight.
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Brian and Jennifer have been married for seven years and have three boys. Cooper is six, Wyatt is five and Abram who is 18 months old. This is a picture album of our life.
5 comments:
I am so, so sorry for this loss. Yes, sometimes it takes tragedy to get our attention and change our perspective. I've been living under a cloud the last couple of days, and need to snap out of it!!!
So sorry to hear about the loss of your good friend. I will keep you and her family in my prayers. I know this will be hard for many people who love her! I'm glad that you're allowing God to help out with your loss.
I have felt so helpless all day. I am so sad. Sad for the kids, sad for Mark and sad for the loss we all are feeling. I felt guilty going to the store and going to dinner with my family. Her family will never get to experience that with her again. I don't understand God's timing in this. I know He has a plan. But it still totally sucks! It's not fair that she won't see the boys start school. She won't see Marli go on her first date, or get married. I am so sad for them. I just pray for Mark. To give him strength. He is going to be Daddy and Mommy now. And while he is greiving, he has to take care of those sweet kids. I am so happy Melinda was a Christian. I know she's looking down on her family and smiling. And she has a wonderful church family that is going to take care of her family in her absence.
Still crying,
Michelle
I don't understand God's plan. It doesn't mean I don't trust him...I just don't understand. I've come to realize that so often lately.
I'm amazed, encouraged, and full of hope by the love and support Alameda has had for all their congregants....but Melinda's story speaks volumes. It's not right. It's not fair. But she has left quite a legacy. Even for those who didn't know her.
Gosh Jenny--I sit here writing this with big tears running down my face and a huge knot in my stomach. I did not know Melinda personally but I am a Mom and wife--two of the most important jobs on this earth God could have given me. I understand and believe in God's plan for my life but just as you said--call me selfish-I can't help but want to be around to see my children grow and to grow old with my husband. It's a hard situation to swallow and I unfortunately know that uncomfortable feeling you have--like there's a handful of people (friends and family) that have been cheated! I know that feeling all too well and I send my prayers to you and her family. However there is a peace that you can have--one that only God can give--I'm thankful you and your family know it well. My prayers are with you.
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