I hate thinking about eating . . . what to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. Weight had never been an issue in my life and I just lived and ate when I was hungry I had a huge choice of what I wanted. People say "Welcome to your thirties." "You have two kids." "It's just part of getting older." Ugh . . . leave me alone. I have been on and off "dieting" since Cooper was born and here I am three years later still concerned. My youngest is almost two and I still look like I am heading home from the hospital or that I am expecting number three. Maybe it isn't as bad as I imagine but then they say perception is reality and my reality is I'm fat.

My youngest sister's wedding is July 1st and I get to stand up with her and be a lovely bridesmaid. So exciting! Until I think who I will be standing with. Two ladies with breasts I can only imagine I would be blessed with and a young fourteen year old who looks like she stepped off the cover of Seventeen magazine. Great. I will be "that sister." I am determined not to be looked over and people wondering what happened to her but be proud and not worried if the dress is making me too fat. Is that possible?

My day is consumed with writing every single morsel that enters my body and all times of day. I must include the calories, fat, carbs and protein and not go over the recommended 1500 calories a day. I must tally each category at the end of my bland day and pray to the skinny gods that I will lose on scale day. I hate being one of these people, I always felt sorry for these people and hoped I would never deal with it. I miss my Cheddar Pringle potato chips!

Alas, I am a woman obsessed. Just a dreary Tuesday posting to vent and whine. I am off to do my Pilates class to make this body long and lean, wish me luck . . . I need all the help I can get!